U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
