i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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