pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
