you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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