For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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