I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
