Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
