Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
