do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
