your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
