The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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