the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My brain says no but my pants say off.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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