The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
