Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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