Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
