I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
