I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
this hospital has no fireball
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
