So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
