Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
