Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
