Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
