Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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