Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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