Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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