She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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