If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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