i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
