If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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