He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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