i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
