How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Holy sore nipples Batman
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
