That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
