I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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