Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
