Pants 0. Shit 1.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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