i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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