And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
