Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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