I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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