its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
