Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
