I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
