I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize