you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
