I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
