those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
