it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
