I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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