fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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