I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
