Jerry, you need to find god
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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