You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
