What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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