yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
