Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
