my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
