Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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