I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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