I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need to align my fucking chakras
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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