he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
