saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
