smell my finger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
