just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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