I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
