Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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