You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
