just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
